Should I try to figure this one out.....

....or not?
My computers acting strangely the last day or so but so have I so its not surprising. I'm the only one on it so I must've changed some settings accidentally. I've done that before. I'm sure no computer whiz and some times I just stumble on the right answer. But I guess I'm doing OK being I started from scratch on the computer. A year or so later I get my brains knocked out and had to start from scratch again.

Speaking of getting my brains knocked out. Maybe it knocked out some of the bad ideas and the old ideas too. Another big change in me namely since the accident is I have changed remarkably anti-war. Not that I was especially pro-war before but considering I was in the Army 3 separate times, past American Legion Commander, VFW Service Officer, VN vet and Army recruiter I pretty much was gung-ho on the US. Backing whatever war, skirmish or police action we were involved in at the time. I was all for 'kicking their ass' and I even wore a patch on a vets jacket that said
'Kill 'em all...let God sort 'em out' ( I'm now embarassed to say).

Sometimes I think its because I put so many people in the Army National Guard in the 80's, Desert Storm happening in 1990, Desert Shield, Iraqi Freedom and now so many National Guardsmen and Army reservists getting killed in Iraq and Afghanistan its coming back to haunt me.

I mean it definitely is a different kind of war and whats to like about it or any war for that matter but this time so many part-time soldiers are getting killed. These are guys and girls that just planned on playing Army one weekend a month and going to college the rest of the month. Regular Army people planned to do this full-time and enlisted knowing that 'war is our business, our only business and...business is good'. But National Guardsman especially. They enlisted thinking they were going to protect lives and property in the United States and were only going to back up the Regular Forces in a National emergency. Well, I look at National emergency as when the bad guys are coming on our shores. Not fighting someone elses war or fighting a war half a world away over oil.

I never was that political and I'm not going to start, especially now. I gotta work on me first. Thers a war raging in me. But I got a real bad feeling about whats going on now and how the Administration is handling it. There was the Korean War when I was born and then it was the Cuban missile crisis and the Tonkin Gulf and something going on ever since. Now all the trouble in Lebanon and Israel. Very shortly I can see us being in it big-time. And I mean REAL big-time. I might see World War III...and maybe World War IV in my lifetime. I don't want to sound so grim but I'm not the only one the feels that way. Watch CNN, MSNBC and the others.

Maybe I'm thinking too much. And thats good...and bad...depending on how you look at it and who you're talking to.

But back to 'closer to home'. I have been waking up at 4-4:30 the last two weeks. Several times I woke up at exactly 4:30. I know this because I have always had a digital clock in the bedroom (the kind with the big red numbers like everyone else has) and as soon as I wake up I look at it. I got up early going to school and in the Army. Really early as a recruiter but I'm not on any kind of schedule now for the last 3 years. I have fallen asleep easier and slept better since I was 'reborn on the 4th of July' but all of a sudden I'm getting up much earlier. The timestamp on these blogs are 2 hours earlier than it is in Chicago because it is Pacific time where the server is and we are Central.

I have thought and others have theorized that its because I'm filling my mind with just the good stuff lately and not ingesting the drugs and alcohol as I have for many years. I feel a lot of changes coming over me...physically and mentally.

So like I said 'I don't know if I should try to figure this one out'. Or just go with the flow. The flow is good right now. Real good. Some things we don't understand, we just have to accept.

Gonna go to Bread of Life today, see if I can help out some homeless guys. Going to Unique Thrift store early because its half-price day on Monday. Gonna pick up some shorts and T shirts because they seem to have quite a bit...and they're cheap. I know they can use them because its going to be 90+ again today. A few of bucks won't kill me. I don't have much and sharing is kind of new to me. There was a lot in the sizes too small for me and it looked like all of the guys I saw last week were smaller than me. I was a lot thinner too when I was on the skids. I've got some extra canned goods that I was given too and stuff I picked up along the way. I hope they'll do someone else some good. But maybe no one else eats creamed corn, beets and artichokes either...alright I'll give 'em some of the good stuff too!
Gonna check if theres any vets among them or if anyone non-vets included)needs some job-hunting or resume/application help. Maybe I can drag out some of my old vetcounseling and job-hunting skills to help someone else. I needed help before and someone helped me.